Happiness without laughter and sadness without tears…


Confusion and frustration of single line which strikes my mind all the time and was pinching my nevers with horified vibes

the line is…

Why I didn’t cried when someone important was leaving my small life..??

After a time I think I have finally hit my grith or you can say my thinking heights.
One unpleasent night…I ended up with answer that fits very right
so here is something I have stopped with..

just starting from my toys to my tecnological needs…
sheding my tears with loudest laughter all the tym…
from the day I started the sense of feeling ..I always felt a manly hand on my sholders to protect me even If have ever did a mischive..
I know him from last 19 years so well that i always trusted him blindly for all my dreams..
We were dating each other from long back I remeber the date 20.4.1998
Yes its such a long journey …I had shared with him who is someone important i belive
In contarary of dating each other.. I was never jealous or pissed off.. even knowing the fact he loved 3 other girls excluding me…
that bonding between me n him was the key of our love journey
never I ever asked him whom he love the most nor he ever asked me to prove my love for him..
from last 7 years right from 2011 he was getting ill but was never weak
that is why I never thought of such a disaster in this sweetest love live..
such thougths of loosing him so soon may have arrived if doctors would have defined..
doctors always said he is all fine but not his working time..
yes because he used to work hours n hours n hours to give us a pleasure full life…
his workimg hours was moring 4 to 12 at midnight..
You all only say… was it right..??
no!  I know but no one could justify this in front of him…
years passed… my someone important was just beside..
2016… I left my hometown for further studies
and opted the same subject in which he was specialised…
as soon as reaching my new place I got engaged with some not same but similar monkeys and butterfiles …
I think those 11 months was in so hurry that they didn’t allowed me to spend time with him…
no but this isn’t true…
those fasinating days became my new feeds and unknowingly pages of that lovers dairy was left blank behind…
15 days later I was standing on a white polished hospital’s floor
And he was lying on the bed with 2 to 3 machines attached to him
producing the irritating beeping sound….
he was 30 years ahead of my age but the charm of his face even today stops at my old days..
but that his face was looking like a jet leg..
still that smile… yes that smile was the thing I could ever had.
for some time we were just staring to each other… for rest I got scared of seeing those scarce left by the therapy cuts n bruises..
my father had beared it alone all the time..
as we started talking…doctor cum uncle walked inside with some paper in his side..
see it was difficult for some one read that paper who was hoping for his recovery..
I walked out of the room over that unpleasant coridoor
I sat on the chair arranged in a row..
with a thougth preoccupied that how he was fighting with those painful theropy needels
how he was doing….was he cring or was he just letting it go???

I could never imagine…
but that images i remember… my first memories with him from hell
It was my fault why i had left mine love story incomplete just to start some new stories.
Inspite of seeing all activities I was not thinking that the air we both are  breathing could lead to end of the story..
 yes I do cry
but this time defination of crying was something else…

the suddeen separation and no last touch
of my father left me with happiness without laughter and sadness without tears..
may be I saw him being so strong….made me tough that 19 year girl is holding her self with all her left strength..
May be his teachings are working today that never cry until then you don’t fight..
never feel sad until you dont survive the worst..
May be he is still beside and holding my hand that just I cant feel thats why my tears don’t fall…
Yes that someone imp is my dad….

NEHA ASAWA

Best thing about teachings is it can  work  even when teacher stops working angel….But only if you want it to work.

And you never left the love diary incomplete…You just took a break with his permission and trust me it was his greatest pleasure to see you flying in new colors with new butterflies…Infact I am happy that he was lucky enough to witness you like that…He was proud of every moment you had spent there…He used to enjoy seeing your pictures and videos and say me after watching neha,It feels like I am in my college days…He was extremely happy to afford you something,he never got an opportunity of ….He was living his college life by seeing you there….So that clearly means your story never had any breaks…And if you can trust me more…This story has now become eternal and will see no more breaks in future.

As you said he is still holding you and will hold you forever

Yours loving warrior

Naina


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3 thoughts on “Happiness without laughter and sadness without tears…

  1. Very nicely u wrote,

    Yes, it’s true that he is standing beside u holding ur hand, keep this feeling alive always….
    God bless….

    Like

  2. I request to be open with someone…!! Being tough is good… But being mentally stressed is worst…

    Don’t keep inside.. share it.. show it… and fly high…!!

    Liked by 1 person

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